chu wanning | 楚晚宁 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rumination) wrote2022-09-13 11:43 pm
rumination) wrote2022-09-13 11:43 pm
open post
Chu Wanning, Yuheng of the Night Sky, Beidou Immortal
general open post | texting/video/mirror/message talismans | overflow
(canon, post-canon, canon-divergent and au are all loved)
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and when mo ran smiles again, it's a bitter, twisted thing that makes chu wanning recoil internally, even while he straightens his shoulders and continues to glare. that wasn't what he meant. he knows that. why can't mo ran understand? sex isn't meant for the day; affection and kisses and cuddling are for the bedroom, at night, not during the day when people can see them, see him. ]
Is that what you really think?
[ if mo ran does think so lowly of chu wanning, that he would think mo ran unworthy; that he would think chu wanning would sleep with him for anything less than love; then perhaps pushing him away is for the best. let him think whatever, even if it's the furthest thing from the truth.
mo ran deserves better. someone to be proud of him, acknowledge everything he's accomplished, and someone who can love him openly, without the instinctive urge to hide away from the world.
chu wanning slides off the counter as mo ran turns away. he looks at that strong, firm back, scratches chu wanning made the night before still visible, and even in this, when he's mad and upset and hurt, he wants to reach out and touch him. abruptly remembering he's wearing mo ran's shirt, chu wanning hastily strips it off and shoves it toward him. not that mo ran can see, so he clears his throat and says, in a cool tone, tempered to hide how sad he is: ] Your shirt.
[ he wants to keep it, just like he wants to keep mo ran, but he knows that would be unwise. still, his fingers curl into the material, and if mo ran tries to grab it, he'll meet some resistance. ]
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mo ran lets go of the fabric to grip at his wrist instead and he yanks him closer at once, hugs him firmly, almost smothering. he won't let go or loosen his hold even if chu wanning struggles within his arms. even if chu wanning finds him unworthy, there's nothing mo ran can do: he is chu wanning's, he can't fight that. his heart has given in a long time ago. ]
Wanning, please... I know you wouldn't have let me make love to you if you didn't like me too.
[ the problem with someone like mo ran is that he hates deeply and he loves deeply. he remembers wrongdoings and holds grudges for a lifetime, but just one act of kindness is enough to conquer his heart and his faithfulness for a lifetime too. and chu wanning has given him so much kindness and so much warmth, it counts for multiple lifetimes. if he were to be kicked a thousand times by his teacher now, mo ran would stay devoted to him. chu wanning is the only one who's always believed in his potential, that he could be something more than a stray dog. and it's all or nothing now, so holding back serves no purpose anymore. ]
I love you. I've loved you for a long time. Even if I'm not worthy of you and you deserve better, I can't help myself.
[ he swallows hard around the tightness in his throat. he's wearing his heart on his sleeve and chu wanning could make it bleed, but it doesn't matter. not even his pride matters. ]
Please meet me halfway, Wanning... please talk to me, tell me what's on your mind. [ he can't let this silence on chu wanning's part linger any longer. he hasn't talked to him earnestly, has only kept his angry act up and it was up to mo ran to read between the lines. but mo ran has bared all of himself for him, beyond bones and sinews; he'd just like for chu wanning to bridge the distance a little bit. he hopes he means enough to chu wanning that the older man doesn't mind doing that, for once. ]
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now that he's taken off mo ran's shirt, chu wanning is bare-chested, but that doesn't stop him from reaching for one of mo ran's hands and guiding it to his chest this time, right over his heart. ]
I'm old. [ far too old for mo ran. chu wanning was old even before he was physically old, preferring to keep his circles small and spending his nights in. mo ran is sociable and lively and fun. it's no wonder that chu wanning was so drawn to him. ] And ugly, and bad-tempered, and I've never done anything like this.
[ he's never wanted anyone, but mo ran. never expected to want anyone. never prepared for it and had no idea what to do with it when he realized he liked mo ran. mo ran returning his feelings never actually factored into any of his musings. ]
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his eyebrows raise when chu wanning lists those things and mo ran looks like he's still waiting even when the older man has stopped talking. he can't help smiling, his fondness once again taking the best of him.
he pulls chu wanning along until he's seated on a chair by the kitchen table and he's dragged the older man to sit on his lap. he takes hold of his shirt that the other has discarded to unfold it again and drape it on top of his shoulders, to keep him from getting cold, since chu wanning one way or another is always cold. the heat mo ran's body gives off should help out with that too. once he's done with that, he leans closer to press a kiss right above his heart. ]
If those are your reasons not to be with me, none of them matters. Your age doesn't matter, you're beautiful, you're generous and we have to start somewhere. I told you last night, we'll learn together. I've never wanted to be with anyone the way I want to be with you.
[ he confesses and at that last sentence, he looks a little sheepish, a little younger, even. he hugs his waist, winding his arms underneath his unbuttoned shirt, their chests pressed together. maybe their hearts will talk to each other like this. he buries his face in his neck and once again, he's tender, almost childlike, a child looking for protection --nobody has ever made him feel safe as much as wanning, even now that he's bigger than him. ]
Be with me, in the light too.
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and then he's settled on mo ran's lap, surrounded by his student once again: mo ran chest pressed against his, shirt over his shoulders, firm legs beneath him. it softens him because how can he resist mo ran when he's so encompassing? when he looks and acts like he wants chu wanning to protect him, something no one's ever asked of him or wanted.
and here is mo ran, picking him for everything. teacher, protector, lover—
he sighs, patting mo ran's head. he has no sense, but then, he never has. ]
You should be with someone— [ he pauses. "not me" is the truth but sounds almost self-pitying, almost conceited. but he can't say "someone else" because even thinking about mo ran doing those things with someone else makes him angry and annoyed. ] —Someone fun.
[ there. easy enough. except his face scrunches up as he says it. he knows the people considered fun on campus, just like he knows the ones considered beautiful, and he doesn't want to see mo ran with any of them.
he huffs after he says that, scowling in order to cover his jealousy. ]
Someone pretty and fun. Not your boring old teacher.
[ which should also be a problem, but that's not one he's considering yet. (he won't until they need to consider it.)
he swallows and looks away, still petting mo ran's head. it's the only way he can actually bring himself to say anything further. ]
I do want.... [ he trails off, shifting on his lap. ] I love you, Mo Ran.
[ it's the truth, but he looks incredibly uncomfortable saying it, the corners of his eyes red to match the flush on his cheeks and neck and ears. ]
i'm so sorry for being slow! ;;
when those three words are spoken though, paired with his name, mo ran's eyes widen, shock clear on his features. did he hear that right? is there any chance he's still sleeping and just dreaming of this? he never thought a day like this would come. for chu wanning not only to let mo ran stay by his side, but for him to even return his feelings --speaking of love, even.
mo ran would eat him up right now, because he looks so beautiful, flushed and with reddened eyes, the way they always do whenever chu wanning is dealing with a strong emotion, always betraying him.
mo ran's hand shoots to his face, holds onto his jaw to turn it towards him, and he kisses him, pouring all his feelings into it, hoping chu wanning can taste them as he licks into his mouth. ]
Wanning. [ he calls, almost desperate, just to kiss him again and he only pulls back when they're both breathless. he noses at his cheek and his neck then, as if to soothe his blush. ]
Wanning, I don't want to be with anyone else. I love you, you're the only one I think about, day and night. [ he hugs him with both arms, pulls him closer. ]
I'm sorry... for making things difficult for you. But we belong together. You felt it too last night, didn't you?
no worries at all!! <3
when he breaks the kiss, chu wanning pouts, just slightly. but mo ran doesn't go far, nuzzling him like an affectionate dog, and chu wanning has to huff slightly, pulling back so he can look at mo ran. ]
Who's making things difficult? [ it's not mo ran. he flicks his finger against mo ran's forehead. ] I can't cook or clean. [ he's a barely functional adult, basically. ] And I'm grumpy. So stop talking nonsense.
[ he'll make a terrible partner, certainly one not as appealing as mo ran. but he's selfish enough to want mo ran to himself. he did feel it the night before and tried to savor it, fearing it would be his only chance.
but there is the fact that chu wanning is a professor, and mo ran his student, which will certainly cause a scandal. chu wanning isn't known for scandals of this sort; the scandals he creates are simple things: refusing to work on a research project because the donor works with military weapons or refusing to make polite conversations when he shows up at boring work parties. not... this.
maybe if he pretends it isn't a problem, it won't be a problem. ]
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[he pouts at the flick, thinking he didn't quite deserve it, but his eyes are unable to hide he's only playing around, still glistening with happiness.]
I will cook and clean. [he offers easily, promising it. it is tasks that he knows like the back of his hand after all, they wouldn't cost him any extra effort. he's been doing that ever since he was a child, when looking after himself was the only way to survive. but of course he can't restrain himself from being a brat.] I only ask for kisses in return.
[he purses his lips, expecting one already. but he supposes it's more likely he will be flicked on the lips as well.
he seems to sense something is already on chu wanning's mind though and he easily guesses what the problem is, especially after mo ran apologized for making things difficult.]
Let's not worry about that right away, Wanning. I will behave when we're around others, until we've thought about a solution.
[he smiles sweetly now, trying to reassure him, his hands rubbing warmly at his thighs, with the excuse he doesn't want him to be cold, but in an actual possessive gesture. he kisses him quickly on the mouth now, before tilting his head and pressing his lips down the side of his neck, suckling and nibbling at the bite mark he left last night, knowing it to be oversensitive. it seems a foolproof plan to distract his better half.]
Should we go shower? Then I can make you breakfast like I promised.
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mo ran is going to be the death of him. can he ever get used to the idea that mo ran wants his attention and affection, even as clumsy as it is? ]
You know how to behave? [ he's teasing, but it comes out a little harsh, although his voice goes a little breathless at the end, his neck far too oversensitive but loving it all the same. he does have to squeeze mo ran's shoulder eventually and pull back so that he can stand up; he suspects if he let mo ran keep going, they wouldn't make it to the shower for a while. when he stands, the shirt falls from his shoulders, and he hastily picks it up, holding it awkwardly against his chest for a moment before deciding to put it back on, although he leaves it unbuttoned, convinced he looks ridiculous, but at least it leaves his hands free to tug mo ran up. ]
I don't have food. But there is coffee for later.
[ which is something mo ran will discover later. he has some rice and some leftovers from his takeout the night before, and not much else edible in his refrigerator. ]
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he can't help a snort when chu wanning accuses him like that and mo ran makes a mental note of getting retribution later, by making the older man a helpless, whining mess. then he'll know for himself just how far he can go when misbehaving.]
Shizun, you hurt me. I've always been nothing but good.
[he pretends to be innocent, even making puppy eyes. the problem with mo ran is that he has a really thick face and he knows all too well chu wanning's weak spots. he honestly can't wait to get to know even more of them, especially the physical ones that were precluded to him till now.
mo ran gives a deep sigh watching chu wanning wearing his shirt again and he wishes he wouldn't be wearing his sweats underneath, so he could admire the pale, smooth skin in its entirety, covered just by his flimsy piece of clothing, too large on him. what a sight. there's only one thing that makes it even better and it's the love bites and bruises that mo ran scattered all over --ah, he can't wait to see those around his hips and his thighs.]
It's not true you don't have food. You're a whole snack.
[he claims shamelessly, giving chu wanning a quick kiss to the cheek before running off to the bathroom while laughing loudly, to avoid getting hit again.
he starts the water and undresses, stepping inside first so chu wanning won't hopefully feel too shy about undressing, without mo ran's gaze on him. he stands under the spray of hot water until he's drenched and gives a pleased sigh, tilting his head up to wet his hair thoroughly and then pushing it back and squeezing it together in a low ponytail against his nape. like that, chu wanning's scratch marks against his shoulders are even more obvious.
when chu wanning joins him, he tries not to stare, simply glancing at him as if it's casual, while he pours bodywash on his hands, rubbing his palms together until it's foamy.]
Turn around, Wanning. I'll wash your back. [he tries to sound nonchalant, but goodness, he's so excited about something this intimate.]
i am so sorry for my delay ;;;
but any ruminating on his feelings is abruptly cut off when mo ran makes that shameless statement, kisses him, and runs away, leaving chu wanning sputtering. who says things like that! a whole snack! what does that even mean— ]
Shameless!
[ he mutters it as mo ran darts away, heading to the bathroom, folding his arms over his chest and staring at the empty spot mo ran just vacated. what a rude boy, surely chu wanning taught him better than that.
he follows a second later, stepping inside the bathroom just in time to see mo ran climb into the shower. it's easier that way, even if hearing his pleased sigh is enough to make his ears burn. sounding so shameless, so... so!! chu wanning hastily undresses, tossing his sweats and mo ran's shirt into a pile, and pulls up his hair into a neater bun before joining him in the shower. all the marks mo ran left on him are visible, but he ignores them as best he can. (it's impossible to ignore them entirely, the bruises leaving the best sort of ache, but he can't acknowledge them so openly.)
his shower is spacious enough to hold both of them easily, but he still feels awkward, a little unsure. not because of mo ran, this time, but because he has no idea what to do, how to manage this. can he look at mo ran? should he avoid looking?
of course, the moment he thinks that, he does look, mentally wincing over the scratches he left behind, and then lower and lower, over those toned abs and lean hips and his cock, soft but still large. his mouth waters, and he goes red again; thankfully, the steam is a good excuse for a flushed face. it's impossible to look anywhere else, mo ran taking up so much space. ]
You don't have to, I am capable of washing my back. [ he's been doing it for years, after all. but he turns, presenting his back to mo ran. ]
i'm always here, don't worry! <33
mo ran's large hands start rubbing at his back, lathering it up with suds and at the same time massaging into the tight muscles, from his shoulders down, at either side of his spine and then insisting in the dip of his back. he's never seen anyone more beautiful than chu wanning, from head to toe and yet he carries all this tension in his muscles, all these knots, mo ran works on them with his hot hands until they're melted --like he means to make the whole of chu wanning melt. he fits his thumbs into his lovely back dimples with a chuckle --so cute. he sighs all too pleased while fingers wrap around the narrowness of his waist (that too, perfect), pulling him under the spray of water to have him rinsed, before he leads him to the side of it again.
any attempt to behave is futile when faced with such beauty and mo ran kisses up along the graceful column of his neck, until he reaches his ear, kissing behind it and then sucking onto his lobe. ]
We need to clean you up from last night too, Wanning. Just relax, mm?
[ he murmurs in his ear and chu wanning may hear how he licks his lips as he looks at his backview again, gaze lingering on the perfect shape of his ass. it's only one slender finger that traces it lightly, barely there, before it slides along the slit and circles at his entrance. he pushes past it with ease with how soft his lover still feels from the night before and he cleans him up from the residue of his cum, as gentle as possible, and yet obviously drinking in any of the other's reactions. it's a given it affects him between his legs, not quite as soft as before when he's done with it and he presses himself up against him from behind, an arm firmly draped across his stomach. ]
Would you like to do it again, Wanning? Was that why you were looking at my cock?
[ he can't restrain himself from teasing him, blame it all on his cute reactions and his cute red ears. ]
you are so sweet <33
trust his body to mo ran's tender care is something entirely novel for chu wanning. it feels good, those strong fingers caressing his back, especially when mo ran digs into the muscles making him shiver. he resists at first, stiff and unyielding, but eventually relaxes into the touch, the tension bleeding from his back and shoulders.
it's back minutes later, when he feels mo ran's fingers press against his entrance. in broad daylight, under the starkness of the overhead light in his bathroom, even though it's steamed up, he doesn't want to think about that. about what mo ran left in him. it's mortifying, knowing he needs to be cleaned, and it makes him sputter a little, face flushed as he spreads his legs a little to help.
despite the flush of shame, his body still reacts, cock twitching and a shiver running down his spine, and he has to hold back a moan. feeling mo ran's erection against his backside helps ease some of the embarrassment: he wasn't the only one affected by it. ]
I wasn't looking for that. [ he grumbles about it, sounding huffy. he can't get away with saying he wasn't looking, but his look hadn't been prurient; it was different seeing him soft, seeing him in the light. ] It's the middle of the day!
[ but his cock twitches again, and he can't help but think of having it in his mouth, possibly. would it even fit? and inside him, again. ]
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I'm sorry for misunderstanding, then.
[ he apologizes softly, sounding meek while he presses his lips to his shoulder to soften him, the alternative to puppy eyes when their gazes can't meet. afterwards there's the noise of a bottle being opened and slender fingers start lathering shampoo on chu wanning's long hair, from start to end, making it his mission to have him relax again by massaging his scalp. there's only the sound of fluffy suds being rubbed in and a flowery scent hanging in the heated, humid air between them. this time he takes hold of the shower head to rinse his hair, to make sure the water doesn't get in his eyes.
he squeezes the excess water from the locks and it comes as no surprise when he finds that the conditioner is almost unused: he guesses chu wanning would find even something so simple excessive indulgence. the products must've been a gift from mo ran's aunt, no doubt. it makes it even more amazing that his beloved's hair is so silky --he really is a wonder of nature, it brings a sweet smile to mo ran's face.
so he's generous while applying the conditioner, since today is all about spoiling him. he brushes his locks with his fingers, gentle and careful so he won't accidentally tug at any knot, and then he pushes his hair to the front, to move it out of the way. he hugs him from behind then, arms around his narrow waist once again and he leans his chin against his shoulder. there's no further purpose in it, no shameless behaviour, just a wish to be close and keep him warm. ]
We have to wait a little bit before rinsing.
[ he explains, nuzzling his ear and landing a kiss to his lobe. he's still more subdued, a well-behaved dog --he doesn't want to risk making chu wanning uncomfortable, with his aversion to affection in broad daylight. if he was his usual self, no doubt he would tease him about filling their time with some more fun activity. but he should show him he can even be good, right?
this time could be filled by mo ran washing himself, or asking chu wanning to do it for him, but he doesn't want anything for himself. time shared like this, the permission to be this close, that's all a gift already. ]
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the gentleness mo ran uses to wash his hair is a far cry from the rough scrubbing chu wanning gives his hair, and like everything else about mo ran, it's unnerving, unsettling, throwing him just off-kilter enough that he doesn't know what to do. doesn't know how to say thank you— not just for washing his back and his hair, or the tender care he's put into everything this morning. he's far too good for the likes of chu wanning, and chu wanning is selfish enough to cling to him and keep him. it still surprises him that mo ran wants that, as well.
after washing his hair, chu wanning is ready to turn around until mo ran reaches for another bottle, the conditioner chu wanning always forgets about and rarely uses, and he stays still, letting him work his fingers through his hair, almost too much attention for his sanity. but eventually, mo ran is nuzzling against him, and chu wanning relaxes against him. letting it sit he can deal with him, especially since it gives him time to turn around in mo ran's arms and reach for the soap. ]
Let me wash your back.
[ it's the least he can do, and he wants to put his hands on mo ran. he might not be able to deal with the idea of doing anything... sexual during the day, even if he does want nothing more than to see if mo ran will fit in his mouth, but he can at least wash his back. ]
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his back is wide, all rippling muscles, low dip of his spine and narrow waist, but the scars are obvious, a reminder of the harsher times he had to face when younger, survival and punishment etched onto his skin. the brighter note in all of this is only the trace of chu wanning's own marks, those scratches that mo ran wears with pride. ]
It's the first time someone washes my back.
[ he declares, with innocent excitement. he wonders if the older man will believe him, but it's no lie. he never spent the morning after with any of his lovers and never allowed for such intimate acts --firstly, because he had no romantic attachment to them whatsoever; secondly, because they would've surely been curious upon seeing so clearly his scars, compared to the fleeting touches during sex, and he didn't want to answer to any question. but with chu wanning of course it's different; mo ran wouldn't mind sharing even the details. ]
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[ that seems impossible to chu wanning. why wouldn't mo ran have done this before, with his previous lovers? he knows mo ran has had them, thanks to the rumors he's overheard and the gossip people have shared, not realizing he was around. chu wanning can't imagine someone being with mo ran and not wanting to do something like this for him, or not wanting to be around him all the time.
poised to ask another question about that, the words die off when he notices mo ran's back, a quiet gasp leaving his lips, hastily bitten back. he doesn't know much about mo ran's past, but he knew there had been struggles. it's written on his skin, impossible to forget. even the scratches he left the night before don't hide the scars.
chu wanning lathers a washcloth, carefully scrubbing his back as gently as he can; he's an engineer, so he knows how to work with delicate objects, even if he isn't always tender. it works in his favor now. once he's done, using the showerhead to rinse his back, chu wanning crowds in closer, pressing his lips to one of the scars on mo ran's upper back. he doesn't know what to say, or even if mo ran would want to talk about them, but he wants to provide what comfort he can. ]
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I always left before the morning came. And I never had any wish for aftercare, or doing anything... intimate.
[ he cannot help a scoff. some may say what's more intimate than sex, but that's not really the case. time spent like this, showing another one's weaknesses and flaws, vulnerable not because naked but because open, that is intimate. mo ran never craved for that before wanning. ]
Shizun knows I used to be an asshole.
[ he laughs, since it's no use trying to hide it, given chu wanning was a victim of that too, his impossible, self-centered personality when he was younger.
when the gasp comes, he knows what it's about and the whole time is back is washed, he chews on his bottom lip until it's swollen and raw. goodness, he wants to melt in chu wanning's gentle care, he's never felt softer and more loved in his whole life. his heart in his chest feels like a hummingbird wanting to escape, almost panicky.
he gasps, surprised, when the kiss comes and his chest constricts, hurting: once more, it's like his ribcage can't contain all his feelings for chu wanning. ]
Wanning...
[ he calls quietly, and he turns around, arms once again finding his waist and he buries his face in the crook of his neck, almost too shy to show his expression. he hugs him so tightly, scared he may leave him. ]
I used to live on the streets with my mother. After she passed away, a pleasure house took me in, because a friend of mom's paid them to look after me. But the owner was a cruel woman and her son was even worse. I was starved, overworked and beat up daily. When I fought back, they said I was only a dog who bit the hand that fed him and it got worse.
[ he speaks in whispers, barely audible over the noise of running water, also revealing where his habit to call himself a dog comes from. by the end of it, he sighs deeply, surprisingly with relief, breathing wanning's scent in. ]
It doesn't feel real someone like me can have you... that I can hold you like this. [ he pulls back, the sweetest dimpled smile in place and gaze oozing adoration. ] Wanning, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
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when mo ran shifts in his arms, chu wanning wraps his arms around his shoulders, holding him close. with the shower, he can barely hear and can't run his fingers through his hair as he wants, but he rubs mo ran's back, trying to offer some affection. talking about the past isn't easy, and for all that mo ran has always been open with emotions, chu wanning knows little about his history. he'd assumed the loud, abrasive young man in his classes had been much like many of the others he'd had to deal with— comfortable, unconcerned with anyone but himself, destined for an easy life. mo ran had proven him wrong, which hasn't helped his attraction, and now he understands a little more about him.
it breaks his heart, thinking of mo ran on the streets. ]
Mo Ran. [ he cups that handsome, beloved face between his hands and kisses his forehead. ] You were only a child. Of course, you fought back. You're not a dog for that.
[ he's not terrible for his past or the things that happened to him, especially when chu wanning knows how large his heart is and how warm he is, a bright ray of sunshine in his dark and lonely life. ]
You can hold me all you want, Mo Ran. I'm not going anywhere. [ even if he's difficult and finds it hard to show or accept affection, there's no one else for him but mo ran. ] You—you're— I love you.
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he keens softly at the words that follow, his chest aching and filling with fluttering butterflies in equal parts. nobody ever believed in him before chu wanning; nobody ever thought he could be anything but a stray, street dog. yet chu wanning always selflessly cared about him, giving him more than mo ran deserved. ]
Promise? [ he asks quietly when chu wanning says he isn't leaving and he sounds vulnerable and small for once, almost childlike. he wants to stay by his side forever.
he sighs deeply, a shaky breath, those three words making his heart overflow. he can't quite contain his yearning, his desire to prove to chu wanning that he's never loved anyone the way he loves him.
he gently pushes him against the tiled wall of the shower, entwined hands being pinned on either side of chu wanning's head and he kisses him, deep and greedy and unrelenting, always tasting him like he wants to eat him up. with the way he presses their frames together, the way his body keeps being so easily affected by the older man's perfection and sweetness gets only more obvious; his searing hot arousal presses against his thigh, their frames slotted together so closely the sharpness of his hipbones presses in the other's lower stomach. ]
I love you so much, Wanning. I just want to be worthy of you.
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he'd loved mo ran from the beginning. it was perverse of him, something dirty and scandalous, and he did his best to keep it under wraps, often antagonizing his student simply because he couldn't contain the feelings in his chest and took it out on him instead. he never expected to have mo ran in his house, doing these things to him, telling him about his past. the fact that he wants chu wanning to stay is nearly incomprehensible to him; chu wanning's never been desired or wanted or needed. ]
Promise. [ he repeats it softly, voice cautious, but firm, and it feels like something slides into place for him. chu wanning's never broken a promise, and he doesn't intend to start now.
there's no way he can keep up with mo ran's kisses, but he tries, leaning into them, parting his lips for his lover, feeling greedy as he drowns in those hungry kisses, arms squeezing mo ran tighter. never mind that they're still in the shower, and his hair is still slick with conditioner, and that it's mid-morning, when he shouldn't be doing such things. but it's mo ran, and his desire for mo ran outweighs any shame. especially with the press of his cock against chu wanning's stomach, chu wanning's own arousal stirring in response. ]
You've always been worthy, [ he manages between kisses. it's true; it's chu wanning who doesn't deserve this. ]
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You deserve only the best... so I want to be the best boyfriend you could ever have.
[ he smiles against his lips, licking at his tongue, sultry, weak at the way wanning parts his mouth for him always so eagerly, like he wants to be consumed. if he were to listen to his own instinct, to the animal who wants to take and own every piece of the older man, he would just turn him around and fuck him senseless against the wall.
but he's afraid the moment he starts, he won't be able to stop, much like last night, when he made him climax thrice and exhausted him utterly before he found it in himself to let go and allow rest. he's been having wicked thoughts for so long that now that he could possibly put them into action, his body is haywire. even just knowing and feeling wanning growing hard because of him makes mo ran want to pleasure him till he's so out of it he can't even complain about him being shameless anymore.
he can't help wondering what chu wanning would say, knowing the chasm that is his desire for him --would he call him a beast, and not just shameless? ]
Wanning, tell me what you want us to do... if you don't want to do anything since it's morning, I'll just ignore it and behave, I promise.
[ because this is the person he wants to be for him, he's ready to set aside everything to not bring him discomfort. ]
I can be good and obey. [ even if this way of wording it makes him sound anything but good --naughty, at best. ]
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his fingers clench on mo ran's shoulders, digging in, leaving new bruises behind. it should be shameful how he leaves behind such marks, but mo ran doesn't seem bothered by them, and he showed no sign of not wanting them and certainly hasn't demanded he stop. so chu wanning doesn't worry too much about that and instead just clings to him. ]
Mo Ran. [ he wants to say he's good and the best boyfriend already and praise him more, but it's impossible to articulate any of that, or just how much mo ran means to him. so he just presses closer, practically trying to melt into him.
the thing is, chu wanning wants him more than he can even consciously acknowledge. his body craves mo ran's touch, especially after the night before. he wants everything from mo ran, anything he wants to give chu wanning, from a repeat of everything they did to all of the things he's sure mo ran knows.
his desire for mo ran is deep and intense, something he's warred with for years. now, with it given freedom, he doesn't know what to do; he's been so careful not to think about it that unleashing it feels like it will consume him.
but that's what he wants, isn't it? to be consumed by mo ran, surrounded by him, able to feel mo ran and nothing else. chu wanning runs his hands down mo ran's back to his waist. he doesn't leave any new scratches, the water helping his hands glide down, but he isn't soft about it. his hands don't go any lower than his waist, still shy, but he does tug mo ran closer, rocking against him. ]
I want— [ his voice trembles, and he hates it but clearing his throat doesn't help. ] I want to do what we did. Last night. [ that's something, at least. right? ] And more.
[ he ducks his head into mo ran's neck to hide his flaming face. ]
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he can't help the way he grows even more aroused when chu wanning holds onto him like he wants for their bodies to become one thing, for their ribcages to slot together. he moans softly at the gentle rocking against him, remembering last night, the way wanning had so shamelessly looked for pleasure against him like a teenager.
he almost holds his breath, though, when the older man starts speaking of want, never imagining he would voice that even in his wildest fantasies --he can only smile at how endearing it is for him to hide into his neck. ]
Oh? What is 'more', my love? [ he asks with amused brattiness, while he reaches for the conditioner again, but this time for less than holy reasons. he discards the bottle aside with no thought after coating his fingers with it and he greedily reaches for the older man's entrance, pushing into it with little gentleness. the noise he gives is akin to a growl. ]
You're still so soft from last night. It should always be like that, don't you think? My Wanning being perfectly ready and soft even during his classes because he let me fuck him so well.
[ he sighs almost dreamily and he barely needs to spend time to stretch him again. unlike last night, there's barely any verbal teasing and no physical one before: mo ran simply coats himself and then possessively grips chu wanning's thigh, leading it to wrap around his hip. he angles himself and pushes inside him with little gentleness, giving him no time to adjust before thrusting roughly. he wants to ravage him, possessive at best --he beckons even his other leg up for both of them to be around him and sustains his weight fully like he's barely a feather, bodies so entangled together the could melt into each other, just like wanning wanted. ]
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the words make him whimper, thinking about that. it's scandalous and shocking and perverted to be ready for his lover even while teaching. for mo ran to know he was ready to be bent over his desk and fucked, turned into some helpless, mewling lustful thing. but even as it scandalizes him, it makes chu wanning cling tighter, incredibly turned on by the thought.
what does that make him?
not that he needs to think about it with mo ran so swift to stretch him and replace his fingers with something else. chu wanning lets him guide his leg, wrapping it around his hip, and gasping as mo ran enters, claiming him. there's little time to adjust but also little time to think, and chu wanning can only hold on to him as he's taken like this. it should be too embarrassing to even look at his lover and to know how wanton his own behavior is, but the pleasure builds up before he can get into his head about it.
his legs wrap tightly around mo ran's hips, fingers returning to his shoulders to hold on. he's surely too heavy like this, and they should be careful, but chu wanning has never felt so safe and protected and secure in his life. between them, his cock fills out, leaking over mo ran's lower stomach. ]
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